Learning To Live With Loss
Even though loss occurs in many ways, those who have successfully adjusted to life after a loss, have identified some common helpful hints.
You are not going crazy.
There are so many bewildering, unfamiliar feelings all tangled up together that grieving people frequently fear for their sanity. It is uncomfortable, but normal to feel this way.
Time (for you) is of the essence.
The most precious gift you can give yourself is time. Time to: be alone; seek support; perform important rituals; consider all the options before making decisions; be kind and gentle to yourself. It takes time to heal.
Friends and family are not mind readers.
They may stumble around in their helplessness unless you tell them what you need. Do not mistake awkwardness and clumsiness for insensitivity and unkindness.
Listen to your inner voice
Do what is right for you, not what others think is right for you. Remove “should” from your thinking. This is your journey and it is important to do it your way.
Allow yourself some important rights
Allow yourself to be untidy, emotionally as well as practically. Allow yourself to have good and bad days. Allow yourself to ask for help when you need it. And allow yourself to say “No” when you need to.
Be as kind and gentle to yourself as you would to someone else in your situation.
Have gentle, realistic expectations of yourself. Spoil yourself by taking time out to do nice things and by having treats.
There are no rules for grieving
We are all individual and unique. So is the way we grieve. Have the courage to grieve in your way.
There is no shame in seeking professional help
If you start to feel that you are really struggling with your grief, the smart thing to do is to ask for help. Many people feel this way at some stage.
Many people find it helps to keep a journal
This can provide a way of expressing feelings safely. It also helps to show that you are making progress even when it doesn’t always feel like it.
Keep on keeping on.
In spite of the times when you think you won’t survive, you will make it in the end.
Written by Robin Shine,
20th February 2002.
Even though loss occurs in many ways, those who have successfully adjusted to life after a loss, have identified some common helpful hints.
You are not going crazy.
There are so many bewildering, unfamiliar feelings all tangled up together that grieving people frequently fear for their sanity. It is uncomfortable, but normal to feel this way.
Time (for you) is of the essence.
The most precious gift you can give yourself is time. Time to: be alone; seek support; perform important rituals; consider all the options before making decisions; be kind and gentle to yourself. It takes time to heal.
Friends and family are not mind readers.
They may stumble around in their helplessness unless you tell them what you need. Do not mistake awkwardness and clumsiness for insensitivity and unkindness.
Listen to your inner voice
Do what is right for you, not what others think is right for you. Remove “should” from your thinking. This is your journey and it is important to do it your way.
Allow yourself some important rights
Allow yourself to be untidy, emotionally as well as practically. Allow yourself to have good and bad days. Allow yourself to ask for help when you need it. And allow yourself to say “No” when you need to.
Be as kind and gentle to yourself as you would to someone else in your situation.
Have gentle, realistic expectations of yourself. Spoil yourself by taking time out to do nice things and by having treats.
There are no rules for grieving
We are all individual and unique. So is the way we grieve. Have the courage to grieve in your way.
There is no shame in seeking professional help
If you start to feel that you are really struggling with your grief, the smart thing to do is to ask for help. Many people feel this way at some stage.
Many people find it helps to keep a journal
This can provide a way of expressing feelings safely. It also helps to show that you are making progress even when it doesn’t always feel like it.
Keep on keeping on.
In spite of the times when you think you won’t survive, you will make it in the end.
Written by Robin Shine,
20th February 2002.